Cold nights

"I lie on the left of this queen sized bed while facing the right side. Looking out at the window veiled by curtains, and seeing nothing but a glimmer of the skyscrapers' dim lights. He stands a one corner of the room, near the window.

I murmured, "If you never loved me, why play with my feelings then?"

Nothing but the gentle breeze is heard for a moment. He has no rebuttal to my contention. I continue lying down with my right hand extended in the event he wants to return.

"Just make sure you lock the door on your way out". It was an invitation to get the fuck outta here, except much much more subtle. Having these words blurted meant I have reached the point of return,where nothing can return to its original position, unscathed. O so I thought.

Taking gentle strides, I can hear him approaching the door located behind me. It was over, I thought to myself. Tiny torrents of emotional tears slid down my cheeks and wet the pillow which warms my head during this dark and chilly night.

Alas, I heard the knob of the door being locked and gently closed shut it went. I heard footsteps, but could not discern whether it meant he was moving away or coming closer. Is he going awa or is he coming closer?

I choose not to turn."

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Blood

I remember when I was young, in primary school if I recall, I was out having a morning stroll with my grandfather in the wee hours of the morning at six o'clock. He was tall man with a slender built, and gave the prominent eyes that my mother has today. It is also very likely he passed his genes for height to my younger brother and I.

Sadly, I didn't get to know him that well. Part of that reason was the existance of a language barrier. What happened when I was younger was that my parents only taught us English, with minimal efforts to teach us Chinese, be it Mandarin, Cantonese or Hakka. He on the other hand knew Cantonese, Mandarin and Hakka being a first generation tin miner from China.

In the frigid foggy morning in Kampar we would walk side by side, walking with small strides. Mutual understanding estabished that walking is good for the body. Throughout the walk I would give him my boyish smile, acknowledging the fact that he was there by my side as well to break the somewhat awkward silence. We would walk up a hill path for about a 100 metres and he would show me a fresh mountain water source which I would drink shortly. Young and skeptical I placed my little hands in the flowing water source and drank it. Silly as it may sound the water tasted beautiful. It was crystal clear, fresh and tasted like anything but water. It was almost as if it was the nectar of the Gods!

As the bottom of the hill path, he shocked me by telling me this, "Walking is good for your blood circulation." Mentally, my jaw dropped to the Earth. Physically I did not exude such a reaction, instead kept an extremely solemn composure. All the while I hear him conversing in Chinese wih my family members as well as with the neighbours. It was amusing that deep inside he knew some English phrases up his sleeves. I later learned the importance of modesty and being earnest, and that somehow always reminded me of him.

Perhaps blood really is thicker than water; Family members can learn somehting from each other though they are seven decades apart in age.

Superficial Prejudice II

Seems to have gotten to me; the idea of having that idealistic figure, that handsome face, doing whatever it takes to be cool.

Just yesterday I had two cigarettes. It comes to a surprise to many.

"You!? Smoke!? Nooooooooooo....!"

It's just two blardy sticks la you people. Perhaps I wanna look cool. Perhaps I'm too stressed. Whatever it is, it's an act which drew criticism from many, as of 6th November 2011, I've only ever had 5 sticks in my life. So what really.

Then on another unrelated note, I don't have to be sooo jealous of 'fit' people. Compared to "some":

I don't need to watch my diet 24/7, that is I won't curse myself for the Cheese Naan I just nibbled.

I don't need to take protein supplements which are pricey and can loss sudden muscle mass loss if not taken consistently.

I know what the meaning of  "Inception" is.

I know how to pronounce "rendezvous" and "Louis Vuitton".

I don't pretend to talk about the contents of a book when I haven't even read it yet to impress a chick.

I can talk without sounding like a typical dumb jock.

I can actually sing and act, i.e. show emotion, when some people are more worried about their nose dislocating.

Lastly, I don't think that people will come fawning for me if I have a hot bod :)

Superficial Prejudice

In the most general of retrospects, one would be labelled as superficial if he/she likes a person who is physically attractive, no? Would it also make me superficial if I wanted to buff up by going to the gym if I wanted to get noticed? Would it be unfair for me to say all physically hot guys are air heads? Would it also mean that intelligent, smart, philosophical people have below average physical features?

We strive to achieve balance of the mind and body on a daily basis but tend to lean too much on only one side that the other lacks the attention it deserves. I guess I'm not giving the other side the attention it deserves, but I like expanding my mind with a good book comparing to lifting weights. And most people shape up for the sake of looking good and garnering attention in the process. I dare thee to refute this point.

So, if I make an effort to buff up,will I get noticed?

Malicious Rumours, Malicious Intent

There have been malicious rumours spreading about a friend and I lately. The rumour involves the both of us enquiring what makes "X" so special?

 Both of us got to know of this from a reliable source. And the top of my head lies three possible suspects in the rumour creation. Two of which are the masterminds, and one of them is the unfortunate marionette.

In the end, people who start malicious rumours should go to Hell. Die in a car crash, get stabbed by a robber, I'll be dancing on your grave.

They should die in the given ways as rumours can taint a reputation, and weightiness it carries on was life is enormous. Hence, the cause of death should be equally as brutal. Call me cruel, but understand that speech has more leverage than a sword these days (mediators are just as powerful if not stronger than swordsmen).

It's not to late to apologize. Please do so before I curse for worse things than Lucifer can imagine.

"Don't believe rumours unless you know it's true. Don't spread rumours unless you know it's true. Do any of the above and consider yourself a motherfucking ignorant fool (like most people on the face of this Earth are)."

Love is in Danger

Listening to : Deltadance.com (from Para Para Paradise 2), Love is in Danger (from Initial D)

Recently introduced to goodreads.com by a certain Ho Sheau Huey :P This got me rummaging through the books I have and attempted to make a list of books I have actually read. And that's not many o.0

It did get me to pick up The Time Traveller's Wife where I left off. Watch the movie I have, but the original books have always been more detailed and engaging, and I'm half-way through this particular book. It does get me wondering, if I can find a person like Claire, who has been waiting for Henry all her life and loving him almost unconditionally, as though as they were connected by an invisible tether.

I wonder if words like "I Love You" carry weight or relevance in today's ever-changing world. The world has become more promiscuous than it was a decade ago, and I'm not going to admit that I'm a saint, but I am hoping to have someone utter these words to me and mean it, in hopes this happens soon.

But love can never be rushed, and it gets me thinking on how much time, energy and money was wasted on unproductive dates, as though as it didn't matter. Just a word of advice would be, don't look for me if you're looking for wash-board abs, super duper handsome face or a sugar daddy.

May my love be true, but Love is in Danger.